Lust penis
The Lust Penis comic is legendary. It's an MS Paint sex comic in the Star Fox universe in which General Scales (never named in the comic) uses a "power crystal" to turn Star Fox into a dinosaur, then a giant penis, which then has sex with an anus-shaped mountain, causing rivers of life-giving spooge to flow across the planet's surface. Or something.
Summary & analysis
Warning:SPOILERS
p. 1
Summary
General Scales rejoices over his ownership of the power crystal, then considers how he will "find a fitting subject for the Lust Ritual."
Analysis
Careful readers will note the presence of the Anus-Shaped Mountain and the Giant Dickless Dinosaur Statue in the background, subtly foreshadowing important plot elements to come. Scales himself appears to be not wearing a shirt.
pp. 2-3
Summary
Star Fox receives a distress call from the planet Fortuna, and after discussing the situation with his commander (General Pepper), he lands on the planet. He immediately notices that "[i]t seems too quiet." General Scales decides that Fox "looks like a fitting subject."
Analysis
Here, as in p. 1 above, the artist uses the venerable technique of in medias res, plunging the reader immediately into the middle of the story with certain events already in the past. The acquisition of the power crystal, like the transmission of the distress call, goes unexplained. Expository dialogue between the characters explains what has happened, but the particulars are left to the reader's imagination.
Panel 2 of page 3 is a remarkable example of visual obfuscation. The artist challenges our expectations for the panel's content (e.g., a comprehensible narrative scene), drawing instead a richly symbolic and non-representative collage of images. Again, interpretation is left to the reader: does the oblong yellow shape in the top-right corner represent a vagina? Is the author wryly commenting on the fact that the text is otherwise devoid of feminine presence? Alternatively, does this panel perhaps represent Fox performing a barrel roll? Both readings suggest a creator intensely aware of the "gaps" or absences in the text, simultaneously suggesting and excluding elements that his audience would expect.
p. 4
Summary
General Scales invokes the power of the power crystal to grant "[t]he wish of transformation of one and two!"
Summary
Note here again the presence of foreshadowing. By explicitly narrating what will happen in the pages to come ("Turn the fox into one of Our dinosaur brothers os [sic] that the Lust Ritual can take place!"), the author directs us to concentrate less on what will take place but rather on the way those events are depicted. And indeed, the pages immediately following are the most stylistically adventurous in the comic.
Also, the rogue capitalization of the word "Our" in Scales' monologue is a subtle character note, reflecting the General's arrogance and ambition: in his own mind, he is a god.
We also get a full enough view of Scales to realize that he is indeed completely naked, save for his headgear.
pp. 5-10
Summary
Star Fox transforms into a dinosaur.
Analysis
to follow...
pp. 11-13
Summary
General Scales uses the "mighty power" to "take [Star Fox's] mind," in the process converting his pupils from round to catlike slits.
pp. 14-19
Summary
Star Fox enters General Scales' palace. General Scales enters Star Fox.
p. 20
Summary
General Scales "command[s] the final act in the Lust Ritual!"
pp. 21-22
Summary
Star Fox transforms from a dinosaur into a giant green penis with legs.
pp. 23-25
Summary
The legs and tail retract. Light green tentacles emerge from the Giant Dickless Dinosaur Statue and drag the Giant Green Penis into place. The statue awakens and grasps its Giant Green Penis, now fully erect.
pp. 26-29
Summary
The Giant Green Penis penetrates the Anus-Shaped Mountain and skeets all over it. The spooge flows down the mountain into the valley below, forming a pool in which General Scales' yellow dinosaur soldiers gleefully frolic.
pp. 30-33
Summary
Star Fox (back in his fox form) awakens and wonders aloud, "Why do I ach [sic] so much?" General Scales replies with the immortal line, "You were a lust penis." Fox, realizing what has transpired, smiles and says "So this was all a plot to have sex. ...Maybe we can do it again sometime." The two embrace tenderly, lips and tongues entwined.
