Twas the night before Christmas
A legendary post on /b/ that appeared on the night of December 23rd, authored by a user named EurobeatJester. The text was a parody of the well known poem "The Night Before Christmas," instead filled with references to 4chan. The thread was posted again on /b/ twice on Christmas Eve, the second time by the original author again. It quickly was elevated to the status of copypasta.
Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout /b/,
Every /b/tard was fapping, and that includes me.
The PENIS was out, proudly stiff in the air
in hopes of a post that would please Pedobear
The /b/tards all staring in front of the screen
Catching unearthly visions, all mainly unseen
Except for the pasta that flooded the board
Christmas was coming to 4chan.org
With a stickam whore wearing a red santa cap
and every guy screaming that it was a trap
Crashing the server while trying to GET
All normal things for this part of the net
When up on the roof, a noise that perplexed
I shot off my load in startled reflex
Away from the desktop, I flew in a flash
Wondering what the hell caused the crash
When, what to my wondering eyes did I see
A man black as night, above all thhe trees
Pulled by a horde of memes, well because,
I figured at once that it was Nigra Claus.
Faster than a rapidshare download they came
And his voiced boomed aloud, calling all of their names.
"Now Zimmer, Now Cracky, now Mongler and Desu!
On Delay, on Picard, on Gendo, and Deku!
To the top of the board, where the sticky pin lies!"
Needless to say, I was very suprised.
He landed upon the grass of the lawn
and walked towards the house, as bright as the dawn
The source of the glowing was no magic spell
"IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!" the red-lipped one yelled.
The front door exploded, all shattered to splinters
I realized I just took a shit in my knickers
They poured in the room, with quite a large ruckus
"Candlejack?" I exclaimed. "What the fuck is-"
The words were unable to flow from my voice
Little did I realize that I had no choice
to sit and endure the riotous mass
With cum on my stomach and shit on my ass.
Saint Nigra stepped forth, and wrinkling his nose
took a look at the room, and shouted "POOL'S CLOSED
Don't go in the water, it's full of stingrays
and plagued with a virus that's known as the AIDS."
George Zimmer stood next, and reached into his frock-
"IT NEEDS TO BE HUEG TO MAKE ROOM FOR MY COCK"
Pulled out some new pants, for my own I had shit
"FROM THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE, BITCH, I GUARANTEE IT."
He stepped back, and a doll took his place
while two orbs of color shined out from her face
Her features contorted like an old anguished jew
"Desu desu desu, desu desu desu desu."
Cockmongler ran up and grabbed hold of my dick
And then took off his shirt, I thought I'd be sick
He put the rag on me, as I stood there perplexed
now adorned by the image of a bright green T-Rex
Picard flipped me off at warp factor "fuck you"
while Cracky-chan smiled, her teeth all askew
"Who are you," I asked, "Why are you in this region?"
"We are anonymous," they said. "Anonymous is legion."
As quick as the flash, they all left the scene
With plenty of shouting and phrases obscene
They swarmed a female who was blocking their route
and all screamed at once "TITS OR GTFO"
Mongler suggested "Stick it in her pooper!"
The raeping commenced so fast it was blurred
They turned then to me, and shouted quite clear
"Merry Christmas to /b/, we'll raep you next year!"
